he is in the intensive care unit and they wont move him out. he has a machine breathing for him. it is breathing FOR him. i know he has a good prognosis at this point. but the fact is that he has two fractures in his skull, his jaw has been dislocated, he broke his pelvis, he broke several ribs, he had to have surgery to put his organs back where they belong, he has a black eye, and he has multiple cuts and gashes.
i know things are going to be okay. and i know things are going to take time. and i know this isnt my fault. he shouldnt have been driving if he was that tired. he just shouldnt have been. its okay that i missed his text message. or his two phone calls. he made the decision to drive, not me. and i cant blame myself for the consequences.
and yet the only time i have actually felt okay all weekend, since hearing the news, is when im sitting in the icu waiting room with his family that i barely know, and my other teammates that i barely know, waiting to hear news about a guy i thought i barely knew.
nothing serious has ever truly happened in my life. at least, thats what i like to believe. i know in reality ive been through a lot. but i came out unscathed, for the most part. i know my wounds, i suppose, my scars, and i know how they effect me and i know how i am. i know who i am. but this has me unbalanced. this caught me off guard. you never expect this. you never expect it to grab hold of you so tightly, either. i dont even know him. and yet….i cant stop going to the hospital. they wont let me see him. but i go anyway. and sit and wait and talk. and just being in the same building, knowing im nearby, makes me feel better. makes me feel closer to him as a person now than i did before.
